iFacts

What made you decide to come to the Philippines and stay here for year of study at UP?

Jo: I just thought it was time. It was my curiosity, a long period of curiosity. (You ask) why are your relatives not going back, your own Mom and Dad are not going back to the Philippines? What's going on? Why isn't anyone returning? I don't think my relatives are comfortable when they get here. And when they do, they'd rather stay in Manila, not in Tarlac. If they come, they come to shop. They don't stay for a long time; they only come for Christmas. People would tell me, "Why are you going to the Philippines? It's so dirty there, you have to use the tabo to bathe!" What's that all about?

Tristan: I've always wanted to come (to the Philippines). And when I said I was going, everybody said, I couldn't. That made me more curious. It made me want to go even more. I'm the shit-starter in my family. So if anyone says, "don't go," chances are, I'd be there. All these stories — they'd cut off my hand to steal my watch. You'll have diarrhea all day, you'll lose weight! Look, I'm fatter now! (Everyone laughs and says, "We all are! We gained weight here!") It was such a big deal so I told my family I was going to Japan. It became my big secret. I had this entire drawer with this packet full of papers that said I was going to the Philippines. I had my plane ticket, my acceptance letter (to UP). I just told them I was going to the Philippines a day before I left the US. It was just time.

Why was it time?

Tristan: Because all my (Filipino) cousins, they're so "whitewashed," so materialistic. What they had to do sucks! Going to college, picking a course that their parents wanted, graduating, they work, they buy a house, they have to buy this and that. Sometimes I want to shake them and say: It's not that important! My cousins, they all marry white women, they have kids. And my Mom and grandma would jokingly tell them, "Oh you better teach (your wives) to be Filipino." My Mom tries to teach them stretching exercises for their kids, Ilokano stuff. (Massaging babies and toddlers so their bones align properly.) And my cousins are like, "Oh don't bother, they go to Gymboree." That's like a plastic playground that you pay for your kids to play in. That's so stupid! Why don't they just let the kids hang out with their cousins, play with other kids? I'm so tired of them. I see all their stupid shit. And they're the ones who say I couldn't come to the Philippines.

But now, because I started it (coming to the Philippines), my Mom is coming for the very first time in her life. My 86-year-old grandma is coming; she hasn't been back since she left in the 1940s! They're coming here next week! My brothers are coming…

Ivy: I'm curious to know why they (my parents) left the Philippines. And why my Mom isn't so eager to come back. I know the plane ticket is expensive, but there are more reasons than that. I think it's because she'd be so sad to see her family in the provinces are the way they are. She'll say, '1 can't go because you know, they'll ask for all this money. They think we are so rich here, when (in reality) we have all these loans. They don't understand." Now that I'm here, I've asked her to visit me. And she says, "Oh, not now. I have work." When I know she has so many (vacation and sick) leaves (she can avail of).

Here, we're very comfortable, we can afford to "gimmick." But what is that amount spent compared to the minimum wage pay (of local residents). I remember in sociology class (at UP), we studied that the (children) of OFWs say, "We don't want materialistic things. We just want the love and attention of our parents." The reason they are able to give that answer is because they are able to get the material things. And that's what I'm thinking about. When I go out here, I usually go out shopping. And when my family comes back, that's what they do, they shop. But what if we didn't have that luxury. It's hard to explain, but I feel fortunate but in other ways guilty. To think of an average Filipino family living off the minimum wage — we learn about that, but (it's different) to really feel and understand that.

Olivia: I think of the value of context. I remember coming here for my Lolo's funeral with my Mom and her siblings. And she was "Ate." Her siblings just handed her their passports and plane tickets so she'd deal with all that at the airport. Some of her siblings are grandparents already — all very responsible adults in their 50s. Mom's 64, and she's not even a grandparent. And here they were, relying on her to be "Ate," asking her to buy things for them in Quiapo. I remember they were picking a stone (lapida) for the grave, and after all the discussion and excitement, she just picked one and said, "Tapos na ang kuwento (End of the story)!" And everyone just gave in, and bowed their heads. And I said, "Yeah Mom!" It was so empowering to see her that way! I think, just living among white people, I saw her as more timid, more submissive. Everyone would say, oh your Mom is so cute. That's nice, but it also has so many implications — that she's Asian, submissive, docile. And here, she was so bold!

And everyday things — like walking on the street, I see this (street) kid who is seven years old and is a genius compared to me, simply because he knows how to survive. Maybe he can't recite theories on race and class, but he could outsmart me in a second. So context, putting it all in context.

Tristan: Yes, context! You know the huge migration from out of the Philippines? I'm what happens to those people's kids. In the States, the immigrant parents did so well in making me and my mom feel so bad. But we're all part of the same story…

Now, how do I take what I've learned and experienced here? How do I take that back to people I'm close to? As corny as it sounds, I'm really different now. And people that I'm really close to aren't going to like the difference. I went home for (Christmas) break and I got a taste of that already. I came to the Philippines, I learned Tagalog. But no matter how hard I tried, my family — those who grew up in the Philippines and studied at UP — would not speak Tagalog to me. And yet I know they can speak Tagalog well! Even if I wanted to go home and tell them about the Philippines, they don't want to hear (about) it. I don't what to be that jerk who would say (lowers his voice): "Well, when I was in the Philippines…" But at the same time I want to share my experiences. I have perspective, and I know it, and I can share it — but, the question is, do they really want it?

AS WE EXCHANGE our goodbyes at their grilled gate, I eyed the children now noisily running the little stretch of road. "Have you lost anything here?" I ask Olivia, who had mentioned that a narrow alley leading to a slum community — home to the children — was just meters away from their gate. "Oh yeah," she say. "On our first week here, we stupidly left our shoes outside our front door. Tristan lost his shoes one night. The following morning, this woman was at our gate. She was the mom of one of the kids. She apologized for the missing shoes. We said not to bother, it was just one of those things you have to live with. We never lost anything after that, and the kids are now our friends."

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