IT’S A concern that Joseph most probably shares with Tom Padilla, who with his two children — nine-year-old Nina and eight-year-old Mark -- migrated to Canada just a year ago. Right now, however, the 42-year-old Tom is more preoccupied with getting his kids fed, cleaned up, and clothed properly – things that he would usually leave to his wife Marina to worry about when they were still in the Philippines. But Marina has been left behind in Manila to take care of the family hardware business. Although far away, she has become the breadwinner in the family; Tom is the stay-at-home dad.

Tom also had his own business in Manila, but there the care of the children was strictly his wife’s domain. “My mother, the children’s grandma, lived with us and she and Marina were in charge of the children, and we had a yaya for them too,” he says. But in Victoria, British Columbia, where he and the children now live, he is the primary caregiver.

“It’s strange,” says Tom, taking a break from stir-frying some vegetables for dinner. “I never thought I’d be a househusband.”

Suddenly the former car mechanic who used to work with roaring engines and greasy tools is in charge of cooking dinner and washing greasy pans. He makes the kids’ school lunches and walks them to school. He does laundry and even irons, sews buttons, and goes grocery shopping. Tom admits he has conflicting feelings toward his new role, and that the loss of breadwinner status is a significant blow to his ego. But he says this is tempered by an improved and closer relationship with his children. “It’s the best thing to come out of this living arrangement,” he says.

For his little girl, the big difference between life in Manila and life in Canada is that here she sees her dad a lot more. He’s the one who wakes her up in the morning and tucks her into bed at night. When she wanted to buy some dangly earrings, he was the one who said no; when she wanted pink nail polish, he was the one who also said no, never.

“Daddy’s around more,” says Nina. “I see him a lot. He helps me with homework, which mama used to do before.”

She still sees him as “strict” and “frightening” but less so since they moved, she says. Indeed, in Filipino migrant families, the father is likely to be the disciplinarian between the two parents. But the immigrant father’s duties also expand to encompass things that would have remained out of his “turf” in the Philippines. And as he rediscovers his nurturing role, he also becomes more approachable and less distant. Too, the constant close proximity forced on the family members by their new set-up encourages a closeness between the parents and their children that they might not have enjoyed back in the Philippines.

“Here, I’ve become more like their mom,” says Tom. “Nina says I am very makulit, always telling them to do their homework or brush their teeth.”

MORE THAN likely, Tom will be on Nina’s case for years — maybe even decades — to come. Or at least until she gets married.

Joseph Lim says it was also his responsibility that his unica hija was safely and happily wed. “Then I (could) wash my hands off her,” he jokes.

Pia has been married for two years now and lives separately from her parents. Her dad approves wholeheartedly of her husband, David Ang, another Filipino immigrant who Pia met in university.

Pia says although she is now a wife and mother, her father’s opinion and thoughts still matter the world to her. “It’s a good thing he and Dave get along well,” she says. “Otherwise I’d be torn.”

She sees the care and concern her father had for her mirrored in her husband and their two-year-old baby girl, Deanne. But she says it is a very different father-and-daughter relationship from the one she had with her dad. Unlike her father, David has been more hands-on from the beginning; Pia is unsure whether the difference is caused by the generational gap, or because there is no barrier brought about by nannies and maids.

Both Pia and David work. They alternate driving Deanne to daycare and picking her up in the afternoon. Pia works Monday to Friday in an investment banking firm. Last year, David took a pay cut from his engineering job for the city so that he could have two days in the week during which he is Deanne’s primary caregiver.

David grew up in the Philippines and migrated to Canada just a few years ago. He believes traditional parenting roles are less delineated in Western society, and this allows him to take a more active parenting role with Deanne. He says he wouldn’t want it any other way. “I like the fact that I’m taking care of her,” he says. “It’s part of being a dad.” He says his own father was a “non-presence” in his life when growing up and he wants to make sure that this will not the case with his daughter.

“The old excuse of love being shown through money? That the father works hard and that’s how he shows his love? I don’t buy it,” says David. “Being there and being involved is more important.”

But Pia disagrees with her husband. “It’s a valid reason,” she insists, perhaps seeing in her husband’s description the father she knew in Manila. She says she doesn’t believe her dad loves her any less than her husband loves their daughter, and remarks, “It’s a different time and a different place. But he loves me in his own way. He just has a different way of showing it.”